1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
