remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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