the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
