I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
We need to feng shui this bitch.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
