I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Randomize
