I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
