I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
