we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
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