I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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