Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Randomize
