Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
