A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
