I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
