Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
