He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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