Jerry, you need to find god
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
