I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
