Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
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