She's JV to your varsity
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
