Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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