nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
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