yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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