My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
