Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize