I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
