After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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