I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
In America we eat man semen.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Randomize
