I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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