you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
