Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
