I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
accomplished twins. life is a go
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
