Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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