I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
