as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
She's the barista slut.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Randomize
