you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize