Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
