i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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