i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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