she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
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