I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
