those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
