Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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