I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
