how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Randomize
