the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Randomize