i just wanna soil my oats bro
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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