Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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