I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
