dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Someone came in the potted fern
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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