I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
