I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
