"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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