I think scott just propositioned me for sex
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
