How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
