**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
