just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
