You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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