I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
