I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
No subtext here. People are naked.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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