Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
