I only kidnapped one of them. chill
You can't special order awesome
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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