I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
