um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
