yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
