my mouth tastes like poor choices
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
