I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
