1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
