laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
He felt like a one man threesome
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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