i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize
