Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
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