Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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