I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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