I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
FUCK WHALES
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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