drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
