the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Randomize
