I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
