wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
