So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Randomize
