I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
