I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
