thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Randomize
