Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
