Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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