judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
