You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
i think i just lost a toe
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize