fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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