I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Never let your siblings swipe right.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
