i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Damn victory sex feels great
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
