I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
