Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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