So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
