I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
