So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
