Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
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