My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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