When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
