Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
