Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
