Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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