I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
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