I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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