there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
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