I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Alive.
So much puke
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Randomize
