# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Randomize
