i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
