i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
