after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
