it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Fuck me I smell like cheese
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
